Scamming a Scammer. SOOO Much Fun!!

If you’ve never heard the term phishing, it’s a techie way of saying, “I’m trying to trick you into handing over to me, a total stranger, sensitive information that you wouldn’t even give to your mother, like user names, passwords, bank and/or credit card info.”

So basically, a phishing expedition is an identity theft attempt.

Phishing is a continual threat in the electronic age and constant vigilance is needed in order to avoid getting caught by these scumbags who want, basically, to steal your money and/or to use your identity to get free stuff.

In my opinion there is a special place in hell reserved for identity theft scumbags. Email scammers, phone scammers, identity thieves, phishermen, Nigerian princes. They all belong in the same category.

How I envision identity theft hell. Email scammers, phone scammers, Nigerian princes, identity thieves and phishermen being tortured by devils.

Phishing expeditions can take many forms, such as email solicitations, spoof websites, telephone calls, and often can be hard to spot. Other times, not so much.

Hard To Spot

a realistic spoof authentication page used to trick users into entering sensitive information

Not So Much

A dead giveaway that the email or website is fake: it's written in Hungarian, Russian or Kanuri

I thought I’d share with my readers the fun I had recently playing Go Phish with “David Webb” of “Microsoft Technical” who, although he claimed he was calling from California, apparently wasn’t since my caller ID said he was calling from St. Paul, MN. He also claimed to be an immigrant from Singapore, but his accent was suspiciously Bangladesh.

Whatever the actual facts may have been, we had some fun (or at least I did). And it went like this. . .

  • Me: Hello?
  • Guy with very thick foreign accent: Hello. Is this Mrs. Stone?
  • Me: Yes.
  • Guy with very thick foreign accent: My name is David and I am call-ing from Weendows Techneecal.
  • Me: Yes?
  • David with very thick foreign accent: Do you have a Weendows computah in you home?
  • Me: Yes.
  • David: I am call-ing today to tell you that for the past two weeks someone has hacked into you computah.
  • Me: Oh no!!
  • David: That’s right. But you don’t need to wod-dy because I am go-ing to help you. . .
  • Me: How do you know this?!!

How did David know this?

  • David: . . . .clean. . . .I’m sod-dy? What did you say?
  • Me: How do you know my computer has been hacked?! Can you see my computer screen?!!

Kinda creepy. Eww. I feel so violated.

  • David: No, I cannot see you computah screen. When you registered you computah it enabled us to monitah. . . .
  • Me: My computer’s been hacked?!! Is that bad?!!
  • David: . . . .you comp. . . .What? Oh yes!! It is ved-dy, ved-dy bad!! You computah is now full of viruses. And worms and trojans. Do you know what a trojan is, ma’am?

Why, yes. I actually know of at least four different definitions for the word trojan. Which one could David mean?

  • Me: I think so.
  • David: But you mustn’t wod-dy. I am now go-ing to help you. . . .
  • Me: What did you say your name is?
  • David: . . . .clean you. . . .It is David. Now if you will . . .
  • Me: What’s your last name, David?
  • David: . . . .follow my instru. . . .Webb. I am David Webb. Now, if you will turn on. . . .
  • Me: Where do you live, David?
  • David: . . . .you comp. . . .What?
  • Me: Where do you live?
  • David: I live in Caleefornyah. Now, if you will. . . .
  • Me: Where were you born?
  • David: . . . .turn. . . .I was born in Singapore. Why do you. . . .
  • Me: I was just wondering because you don’t have an American accent.

Like I said, I think David’s accent was more India/Bangladesh than Singapore. And here I thought we were building such a nice rapport. Then he goes and lies to me like that. I was terribly disappointed in David Webb at this point.

  • David: I have been in this. . . .
  • Me: Wait. Can you see my computer screen?
  • David: . . . .country for. . . .No, I can-not.
  • Me: Then how do you know my computer’s been hacked?
  • David: Because when you registahed you computah with. . ..
  • Me: Do you know who hacked my computer?
  • David: . . . . Microsoft we be. . . .No. We do not have this information. Only the logs. . .
  • Me: Have you reported this to the FBI?
  • David: . . . .that you compu. . . .Have I what?
  • Me: Reported this to the FBI? That’s a felony, you know. I think the FBI would be very interested in hearing about this. Don’t you?
  • David (big sigh): Ma’am, I am only try-ing to do my job, which is to get you computah clean of the viruses and worms and trojans it is now infected with. It is ved-dy, ved-dy important that we proceed. . . .
  • Me: OK.
  • David: . . . .You. . . .Are you now ready to proceed?
  • Me: Yep.
  • David: OK. Now, please hold down the Windows key and while con-tinu-ing to hold it down. . . .
  • Me: Hey, David. Do you know Bill Gates?
  • David: . . . . press the. . . .Do I wha. . . .No. I do not know Bill Gates.
  • Me: Are you sure? I mean, surely he’s visited Microsoft Technical?
  • David: No. He has nevah. . . .
  • Me: Maybe he came on a day you were on vacation. Or home sick. You should get his autograph next time he comes.

Poor David. Based on the short 30-45 minutes we spent on the phone together, I believe Bill Gates is working his Technicals far too hard. Judging by David’s numerous sighs and increasingly irritable tone of voice, he is obviously feeling overworked and under-appreciated at Microsoft Technical.

  • David (very deep sigh): Yes, perhaps. But now we must clean. . . .
  • Me: OK.
  • David: . . . .you compu. . . .So you are now ready?
  • Me: Oh yeah. Let’s do this.
  • David: OK. Now, once again, please hold down the Windows key and while con-tinu-ing to hold it down press the R key.
  • Me: Alrighty.
  • David: Now tell me what do you see on you screen.
  • Me: Nothing.
  • David: Noth-ing?
  • Me: Nothing.

Another big sigh from David. Poor guy. Now he just sounds weary. Probably really, really needs a vacation.

  • David : Is you computah turned on, ma’am?
  • Me: Yes.
  • David: OK. We will try it again. You have noth-ing to wod-dy about because I am go-ing to help you clear you computah of the viruses and such things. OK?
  • Me: Okie dokie.
  • David: Do you see the Windows key?
  • Me: Uh huh.
  • David: Press the Windows key and hold It down.
  • Me: OK.
  • David: Now, while still holding down the Windows key, press the R. . . .
  • Me: R as in. . . .?
  • David: . . . .key. . . .What?
  • Me: R as in. . . .ummm. . . .Roger?
  • David: Yes. R as in Roger. Press that and tell me what you now see on you screen, please.
  • Me: Nothing.
  • David: OK. Do not wod-dy. We will try something else. Are you sure you have a Windows computah and it is turned on?
  • Me: Yep.
  • David: OK. Please click the Start button. . . .Now do you see the Search box?
  • Me: Uh huh.
  • David: OK. That is ved-dy good. Now, into the Search box I want you to type the word Run.
  • Me: OK.
  • David: And what do you now see?
  • Me: Ummm. . . .nothing.
  • David: Nothing!?! DID YOU TYPE RUN?! R-U-N!! RUN!!

Wow. David kinda lost it there for a sec.

  • Me: Oh! Run. I thought you said Fun. Hold on. . . .OK.

Which seemed to calm him down a bit. Thank goodness. I thought we might have a medical emergency right there on the phone. With David being so overworked and all.

  • David: Did you now get a result?
  • Me: Yes.
  • David: Ved-dy good. Now please tell me what it says on you computah screen.
  • Me: Wait. Are you sure you can’t see what’s on my screen?

He did tell me he couldn’t. Right?

  • David (heaves a humongous sigh):  Ma’am. You are beginning to anger me. I have told you several times that I cannot. . . .
  • Me: OK. Here’s what it says.
  • David: . . . .see you. . . .Thank you. Go ahead please.
  • Me: It says PHISHING SCAM.
  • David: What was that?
  • Me: P-H-I-S-H-I-N-G S-C-A-M
  • David: It says. . . .Please ma’am, don’t. . . .Why did you. . . .It is ved-dy, ved-dy rude for you to waste my time like this!!!


Aw. David hung up. Just when we were having so much fun.

Call me skeptical, but I don’t believe for a minute that he was calling from Minnesota.

About Mai Stone

“A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs…jolted by every pebble on the road.” ~ Henry Ward Beecher ~ A sense of humor is essential for surviving the pebbles on life’s road. Especially when they’re the size of boulders.
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1 Response to Scamming a Scammer. SOOO Much Fun!!

  1. ady says:

    lol !!!!!!!!!!!! This was very funny conversation Mai, you fooled him alright 🙂 Accent i think,he might be telling the truth about Singapore,the pronunciation written by you are makes me guess it.I don’t know Bangladesh accent but Indian accent has a crisp tone,by that I mean if they say ‘computer’ they will pronounce it till ‘r’ and the word ‘very’ is either pronounced as it is or ‘bhery’ by many who pronounce it otherwise… I am from India 😉


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